Brace Yourselves: It’s Katy Perry, the Movie

28 Jun

It was a while ago now – or at least it thankfully feels like it – since I was standing in the queue at my local multiplex surrounded by people of my own age actually excited about getting their hands on tickets for the Justin Bieber movie, ‘Never Say Never’. Well, I said never and will continue to do so as long as the helmet-haired popstrel continues to blind girls and young women with bland factory-pop. But now a bigger threat lurks around the corner, one that could cause as much destruction to the credibility of a whole generation of music listeners as a Decepticon throwing a wobbly in downtown LA. I’m talking about… this!

Yep, Katy Perry is releasing a movie. Gawd help us all. As if her video to the song ‘Part of Me’ wasn’t enough, with its very loosely veiled pro-army propaganda, now Ms. Perry is intent on continuing her world domination plan by invading our cinema screens and coming out of them via the use of 3D.

Oh, Katy… She’s a star that you almost want to like, thanks to her slightly quirky take on pop that feels much more believable than the contrivance of Lady Gaga, but she’s been on a downward spiral for a while. As if Teenage Dream didn’t pump out enough hits, Perry added more to it and re-released it, calling it The Complete Confection (which is almost as sickening to say as it is to think about). Now there’s the movie, focusing on all aspects of the production of Teenage Dream, her background and her divorce from Russell Brand; because that’s what draws the OK and Heat readers in, a bit of scandal. Maybe seeing Katy cry on screen will melt more hearts and add more people to her army of fans (cue malevolent laugh).

You know you’ve got a money-making scheme on your hands, though, when your campaign sponsor is… wait for it… Pepsi. Well, okay, not quite Coca-Cola or MacDonald’s but still a massive corporation whose latest tagline – ‘Live For Now’ – seems to fit Perry’s persona and the film’s own tagline perfectly. It seems that there’s nothing and no-one that can stop Perry from having a mega-hit on her hands with this movie, but it’s a sorry state of affairs when our screens have to be filled up with this kind of profit-making venture, once again shoving indie productions (and productions that have just had a lot of work and thought put into them) into the realms of obscurity. Hopefully this really will be the last we’ll see of Perry’s Teenage Dream cycle as she claims… but because we can’t be left alone by stars for more than two minutes (I’m looking at you Rihanna and your album-ever-nine-months turnover) we can unfortunately expect her to be back very very soon.


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